HUNGRY GHOSTS are beings with immense bodies but pinhole mouths, so that they are continually driven by unsatisfied desire. This is how I describe the relationship I had with Sugar. From from my earliest memory, I have had an affinity to  cakes, chocolates, perhaps I was compensating for the lack of sweetness in my own life through external means.

Before long, it became my daily routine. Twice a day, In the morning after I woke up and in the evening between the hours of 3 and 5 PM it became a ritual to have something sweet with a cup of tea or coffee. The quanity wasn’t much. It seemed so innocent it seemed so harmless. However poison is still poison regardless of the quantity.

 It’s only when I started having terrible back ache,  spinal pain and migraines, in spite of an otherwise healthy lifestyle, is when I started questioning and having a hard look at all the things that could be the probable cause of my symptoms.  

I made a list of all the suspects. The elimination process began and as the list grew shorter it started to become increasingly clear that sugar was playing a major role in not just my body dysfunction but also affecting mind and thought patterns. Physically the sugar was causing inflammation in my body resulting in severe joint pain, after I would indulge in a sweet savory. I also became aware of my mood swings, irritation and loss of energy after consuming a dessert.  My concentration level also suffered, with brain fog, feeling of dullness and laziness , and a general melancholy. It was clear, I had to let go of sugar, as my body was rejecting it with all this alarming signs that I hadn’t paid attention to before.

The day before I quit sugar, I had my last big hearty meal of Waffles, Cake, Coffee ,a gesture of “goodbye” and began my sugar fast. Honestly, the mere thought of not having any sweet treats, was a very scary feeling. It was as though I was losing a part of myself. I realized I had been using sugar as a crutch, a comfort.

It occurred to me when I was a child, I had used sugar in the form of a crutch,  as a means to provide myself support and distraction from an external unpleasant event that I had no control over at that time,  and at that moment it worked. However, all these years later, I still seemed to be carrying this crutch, this holding on to sugar unconsciously, even though I was in no apparent danger. If anything, this holding on was putting my health and well being in danger. This realization was a key point in my recovery.

Letting go process: 

The first seven days of no sugar diet was excruciatingly painful, not just mentally but also physically. I had withdrawal symptoms such as sweatiness, headaches, mood, swings, irritation and this feeling of doom engulfed me. Many times I thought of just quitting and heading to a café and having my favorite tiramisu, however the list I had made earlier of all the reasons why I was quitting sugar helped me hold my fort. 

In my Experience in the process of quitting any addiction, it is very important to do a deep honest dive, to see and become aware of all the negative impacts that addiction has on your life.Iit requires one to be brutally honest, to face things we normally do not want to face.  Acceptance is the next step which occurs during the quitting process.

 In my case, sugar was taking up a lot of space in my life. Like an addict I was always thinking of my next fix,  and would find myself looking forward to my next cake time. It became the highlight of my day, which was quite sad to recognize. I didn’t want eating cake to be the highlight of my life!  At this moment, I also realized how much resemblance sugar has to an actual drug. 

After two weeks of quitting sugar, it has been some somewhat of a smoother sail. Suffice to say, my backaches, migraines have disappeared. One notable difference,however,  is how much lighter I feel, how much more space there is, how much more time there is. But most importantly, because,I don’t get my dopamine fix through sugar, I’m more motivated to do things that I love, more yoga, gardening,  more reading and spending genuine time in nature or with family and friends, to release my feel good hormone. I don't feel rushed anymore.  I feel more calm and more present. 

Most importantly, I have gained a lot of the lost me. More is to come! 

 It feels safe to be me without any crutch.  

It feels good to be my own source of sweetness.